Over the past 30 months I have come to the realization that life is full of twists and turns and contradictions. Some of them you see coming, others sneak up on you and some crash into you head on like a freight train at full steam. Some are good and others are terribly bad, but they all contribute to your story and shape you into the person you are. It is up to you how you choose to repond.
30 months ago my husband passed away, it was sudden, unexpected and tragic, he took his own life. I don't want or need sympathy, the time for that is past, but in order to fully understand where I am headed, you need to know where I have been. The past 30 months have been both the longest and shortest 30 months of my life. They have been painful and torturous but they have not been joyless or without beauty or happiness. Some days they have been all of these things at the same time, some days they have been none of them, and some days they have been one or the other. Never the less, life does go on and for the most part we humans are nothing if not adaptable.
My husband and I loved each other very much and we were in love, these two things are not the same nor are they mutually inclusive, it is possible to be one without the other, but in our case we were both. Which is not to say our life was perfect, it wasn't. We had our ups and downs like most couples, we had been through some tough times and some great times and life was "comfortable"...until THAT day. Now each day takes me both a step further away from him and a step closer. There is not a single day goes by that I do not think of him and miss him and wish that he was still here.
I have to admit that when I looked into my imagined future, this is not where I saw myself. At 52 I did not picture myself living all alone. I did think that my two beautiful, grown up children would possibly be no longer living at home. I did not imagine for a second that both of them would be living at the other end of the continent nor that I wouldn't have my husband beside me. I always, always pictured the two of us growing old together, instead here I am with only the company of my two grand puppies (ah yes I have inherited the dogs of my darling children) and no full time human companionship. Some days it is oh so lonely but others it is pure bliss.
So.....here I am at 52 years of age about to embark on my very own solo adventure. For the first time in my entire life I get to be completely selfish. To make decisions and changes that only need to take me into consideration. If my choices are right, fantastic, if they are wrong then only I have to live with the consequences and I have only myself to blame. It is VERY liberating but also a bit scary.
So what is this momentous change I hear you ask, this grand adventure, maybe even this mid life crisis? Do women even have those or is that the exclusive domain of middle aged men? Well are you ready for it? I am uprooting my whole life and I too am moving to the other end of the country, but even further south than my children.....I am MUCH more adventurous than they are! After 14 years in this house in sunny Queensland, I am selling up, quitting my job of 11.5 years and moving to.......Tasmania!
I have bought a wonderful little cottage in a small village just south of Launceston. The cottage has a beautiful cottage garden, both cottage and garden are so very me! I don't know anyone down there, I have no family or friends there and no job to go to, but I am going anyway! Well the not knowing anybody is kind of an untruth. When I first went there to look at houses I didn't know anybody, but I have built up quite a friendship with the two wonderful gentlemen that I bought my cottage from. They still live in the village, both are in their early 70’s and had felt the need to downsize, but loved the village too much to move away from it. Since purchasing my cottage, I have been to Tassie a number of times, each time we catch up in person and in between we stay in touch the old fashioned way, via letters.
Some people think this move of mine is very brave, some are jealous. Others think I am running away, yet others think I am foolish. My darling daughter thinks not only am I crazy but I am moving to the ass end of the world and my son, who has a very relaxed attitude to life says "good on ya Mum, you deserve this". I, on the other hand, think I am heading exactly where I need to be. I have been down to Tasmania four times since I made this decision. Every time I get off the plane at Launceston Airport I feel a huge sense of relief, like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have visited my cottage three times, the last time I was there for four days just pottering around in my garden. Every single time I walk across that threshold my heart sings and I know in my heart of hearts that no matter how scary this move is, I am where I am meant and need to be. I am happy with this choice I have made and I am very much looking forward to writing a new chapter in my book of life, even if it is tinged with sadness.
Future posts will cover my search for my "perfect for me" home, my preparations for my move, my two week road trip to my new home and life in Tasmania. I'm sure there will also be more crafting posts, as I just KNOW that with this move will come the return of my crafting mojo, and possibly some of my favourite recipes. Who knows where my blog will take us, life is full of endless possibilities.
Life is not perfect but it is good and I hope you will join me on this journey.